Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
There's even glitter on my cock...
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