Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
