It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
