We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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