me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize