I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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