on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
