shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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