In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Randomize
