I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
