Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
