If you die in college, do you die in real life?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
