I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
