to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
