I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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