I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
