Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Randomize