So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
