thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
