I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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