I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
