he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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