I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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