You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
