My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize