I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
