Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
