she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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