is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
