If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
