Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Everything about him screamed your future.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
