I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
