If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
