why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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