just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
