I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
