I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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