Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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