His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
