I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
