That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
