i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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