I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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