I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
