Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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