i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
