i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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