i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
