I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
