So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
