you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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