Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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