I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
