My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
