Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
