He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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