My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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