i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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