I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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