I wanna passion pit in your ass
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
