he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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