My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
