I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
