I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
