even the AIR tastes like tequila.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
