Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
