do herpes really smell.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
