HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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