Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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