hotel room ftw
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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