I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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