he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
two words...techno handjob
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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