I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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