That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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