So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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