I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
