he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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