Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
