He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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