I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize