Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
