She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
