Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
