Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
