apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize