well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
