I wish I only lived at night.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
