Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
