He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
it hurts more in the daytime
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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