Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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