Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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