Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
