just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
