i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
