When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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