she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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