Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I understand Curling. That high.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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