C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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