like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize