You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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