She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Randomize
