Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
