eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
