'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize