yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
