I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize