Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize