By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
