I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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