my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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