Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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