Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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